Exactly One Year

Starting today, there will be a lot of anniversarys concerning Sawyer. Today marks the one year anniversary of finding out he wasn't swallowing amniotic fluid, and that my birth plan would dramatically change in ways I never anticipated.

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However, last year's Christmas was an exciting and relaxing one. I woke up at noon. Our house was quiet. I probably ate mashed potatoes for breakfast, a staple in the last months of my pregnancy.  Everyone I visited that day politely told me how huge I was, telling me I "popped" in just the last week. I agreed, as I shoved pizza (another staple) in my mouth. I ignorantly accumulated newborn presents, commenting on how I'll be using those items for sure the first few months of Sawyer's life. Swaddling blankets galore, bottles, pacifiers, onesies. I was set. I just needed to go to the hospital, have a baby, and bring him home.

 This year was definitely different, and loads better. I was actually able to go out and buy presents and wrap them and do all the things normal people do, instead of laying in bed like a beached whale hoping someone would bring me mashed potatoes every few hours.

Christmas with a little one is so much better and more fun than I ever imagined. Everything was done with special emphasis of being Sawyer's "First Christmas." The tree went up right after Thanksgiving and won't come down until after New Year's. Grandparents and cousins spoiled him with toys, we gave him books, and you can bet I didn't forget my camera when it came time to open presents. I have officially become a full-fledged mom. I slept for two days straight afterwards, but Christmas eve and day were a success.

His latest trick, besides walking with us holding his arms for hours and hours, is eating tiny bits of bread. My mom tried a few nights ago. She took off a tiny bite size piece of bread, put it in her palm, and held it in front of Sawyer. Much to my dismay, he grabbed it with his chubby fingers and it went straight into his mouth. He did it again. And again. So we've been trying everyday since to feed him bread and I think he'll be eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in no time.

I have been thinking a lot about Sawyer's eating progression. A lot of family and friends ask "is he eating yet?" and while it's a fairly simple question, it's not a simple answer. I think considering the circumstances, he is doing stellar. But I think other people expect him to be guzzling down bottles by now and happily taking baby food from a spoon. Neither of those are happening right now. But every now and then, he'll consume one little bite of something, not necessarily happily, and it's because I have to trick him into taking it. It's a lot of work. It's frustrating. I have to become a Ninja, and dance along this thin line of force feeding and making it a fun and natural experience everyday, somedays with no signs of improvement or progression. I know this is just the way it is, and I'm not discouraged, but had I done a few things differently in the NICU, I know for a fact he would be a different eater today. I know that if I would have allowed him to nurse non-nutritively, then he would have made the connection that sucking = comfort (in the very least). It would have helped develop those sucking muscles and made him feel comfortable with sucking. He has a weak suck, still, and his pacifier is comforting for him, but it's not used to suck on. He mostly gnaws and flicks it with his tongue. So, most definitely no, he is not taking a bottle, and he has no desire to work to get milk out of a sippy cup. I have come to accept the fact that we may be rockin' the g-tube beyond infancy and toddlerhood. He has missed the window on so many levels, but at least he has the rest of his life to learn how to eat. For now, I can only gently encourage him to eat bits of bread and that's all I really can do for him.

I took him to Winco with me tonight and as we were checking out, we were next to a cart with a 5 or so year old girl next to us. He noticed her and didn't take his eyes off her. Next thing I knew, she was talking to him, and he was smiling and raising his eyebrow for like 5 minutes straight. Whenever she said something to him, he giggled and then kept grinning. ahh.. boys.

11 months

I was looking through old video footage of Sawyer as a fragile 4 month old. Even ten minutes of exercise was exhausting and required a lengthy nap afterward. Oh, I miss those days. This little monster of mine is no longer one for intermittent movement or long naps. Our 11 month old is a mover, always on the go, and we're lucky if he takes a nap for longer than 30 minutes more than one time a day.

I feel like ever since his surgery, he has been a spitfire little boy with a sudden interest in getting into everything he can get his hands onto. Besides the usual slapping me across the face, he has to always be holding something-anything- and if he goes two seconds without a toy, he either screams or takes off with his half-way crawl. This becomes an issue when he's connected to the pump and wants to crawl to the other side of the room. So we have to strap him down in a chair and put at least ten objects in his lap to keep him occupied for at least 20 of the 30 minutes. As soon as he's disconnected, he wants to explore and finally we discovered that he likes to be in a certain nook of our living room, back facing the wall, with toys spread out liberally and the TV playing. He can then sit and entertain himself without going nuts for someone's undivided attention.

Yes, he is crawling. Not quite cruising around, but he can get from point A to point B with a hesitant, wobbly crawl. He is a better eater, as well. We tried a marshmallow like Lorraine suggested and he actually attacked it so bad we gave him another. While he was in attack-mode, he bit off a big chunk of a cheeto and gave me a look. He chomped and swallowed it, then threw it down. He will take 1-2 ounces of baby food per feeding, so we're working on decreasing his bolus volume and supplementing with baby food. Not too bad considering he used to press his lips together anytime he saw a spoon or could smell licorice. I hope he keeps it up.

I'm working on uploading pictures, so I will get those attached when they're done. But I figured I'd at least post the updates for now. 

Orchiopexy Time!

We came down to Primary's last Monday and the procedure went really well. I was glad we were able to see the lights at Temple Square Sunday evening. We even knew the perfect parking place (condo complex parking). I will admit I got a little teary-eyed when we drove up State street and saw all the Christmas lights and the Capitol shining brightly. Ahhh. Memories. 

We got to the hospital by 6:30 am and got to visit with all the nurses in the NICU. Thanks to those who sent us on our way feeling confident about his procedure. Even though it was minor, it was comforting to see familiar faces and have that assurance that all will be okay.

After the procedure, which took around 2 hours, Dr. Cartwright greeted us in the famous parent waiting room that we got to know and love. He told us it went really well. His right testicle, which was higher than the left, was down far enough that he was able to pull it down with enough slack. I went back to the recovery  room and was greeted by Sawyer crawling up the nurse's shoulder, crying with a raspy voice, while she was trying to untangle his cords. It was kind of funny. She handed him to me and I rocked him to sleep. We walked to a different bed space and I was able to sit in a rocking chair and hold him. He was pretty loopy, but slightly squirmy, so after Taylor held him for a while, we just put him back in his bed and took a quick lunch break. He took the Pedialyte okay, so we dressed him and unhooked him from his cords and took off. Easy peasy.

The very next day, he was back to his normal self. We can't have him use toys that he straddles (loves) (jumper and walker saucer thingy) so we are obligated to walk him up and down the hall, to every corner of the house, until he's satisfied.

Heyyyyooo

HI.

I hope you can forgive me for not being more diligent. I have a lot of pictures all over the place of Sawyer, and I'll work on getting them transferred onto the computer tonight! No promises, though. He is SO close to crawling forwards, as he has scooting backwards down perfectly. He has a buggy/car that he just figured out he can walk forward in, so finally he isn't so frustrated with his inability to get around. And of course, he loves to walk around, with a lot of assistance, and likes to walk up and down the halls at his own pace.

We are coming down this Monday (Sunday afternoon) for his long-awaited orchiopexy. It's early and we might be able to hurry and stop by the NICU before checking in, but again, I can't make any promises. For sure, after the surgery we would love to see anyone who wants to visit, so message/text me if you wanna see how big King Sawyer is these days :)